How can I learn to read people?

If you really want to get good at this, do not try to rote memorize social cues, like

• Crossing arms
• Diverted eyes downward
• Feet pointing in a different direction
• etc.

This approach will leave you with a very non-intuitive understanding of a skill that has to be learned intuitively. Masters of conversation, for example, try to understand the core of what makes a witty comment rather than memorize hundreds of witty comments and try to glue them all together at a moment’s notice. One thing that will make you better at everything in life is shedding the useless, surface level information like that in favor of a deep, reliant cause of that behavior. Going back to masters of conversation—they realize that if they can put themselves in the right mood, then wit seems to flow out of them effortlessly. That’s what you’re after.

So, do not study other individual people. Study human psychology (be careful—most of the psychology classes I took in college were of the “rote memorize” form, and not of the intuitive understanding form, which is a big reason I disagree with most of what psychology uses to explain phenomena), study evolution, and study yourself. You need to recreate and completely understand why you have reactions to certain things. What social interactions cause you to lie? Why do you feel uncomfortable in conversations sometimes? When do you try to hide some things?

Do not accept a surface level answer. Do not let it stop at something simple, like “that causes insecurity,” or “that person is ‘projecting,’” because that’s not really getting to the crux of the issue. That’s not teaching you anything specific about the actual drivers of human nature, and why the feelings we get exist. When you understand the motor behind each person, you will be able to explain every good and bad thing you see in this world. But until you find the motor, be as skeptical and questioning as possible.